Happy New Year everyone! With the holidays now becoming a distant memory it is the time of year we start feeling the pressure to reshape ourselves literally or figuratively. Yes, it is the time we are encouraged to declare our New Year’s resolution. Gyms have hired extra employees who wait salivating to sign expensive contracts they know we will never use. Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig have their welcome mats out as well. Most newspapers and daytime television shows roll out their annual segments on diet and exercise. Personally, I am taking a look at my messy desk, and unsightly clothes pile accumulating in the spare bedroom and think it might be the year to live a neater life. The fact that I have taken my laptop to another room leaving my messy desk behind to write this article might be an indicator that this resolution will not come to fruition. To me, the whole idea of cliché resolutions tends to make me cringe a bit. I think most resolutions are set ups for failure and usually focus on chore goals rather than inspirational ones. If after reading this article you feel you have mistakenly declared a resolution, allow this to be your “get out of resolution guilt free card” so that you can set a new intention. This year let’s resolve to remain unresolved unless we are going to do it right, by setting goals that will add meaning to our lives and are attainable.
The first reason why most of our resolutions melt away within the first four to six weeks is that we really don’t want to do what we are resolving to do. “Should” I stop living a life of pocketed slovenliness? Of course. Do I “need” to have more organizational discipline? Well, with my husband needing to convert that spare bedroom into an office, most likely I do. However, do I “want” to relinquish these piles? Honestly, not really. Almost all of us that set New Year’s resolutions are doing things we believe we should or need to do, rather than want to do. If resolutions are motivated by “should” and “need” they are bound to fail. So the first step in looking at a resolution is to really ask yourself how badly you want it. Get out of your head and into your heart to rate your dedication to your goal. If you aren’t up in the 80+% range, your resolution is merely a set up for failure. Resolutions should be about improving life quality, not lading ourselves in additional guilt when we let go of efforts that we have started. When I ask myself how much I really want to relinquish messy pockets, I have to be honest and say only about 15%. I actually get hidden satisfaction out of my guilty pleasure.
That being said, let’s take the word “try” out of our resolutionary declarations. If you are going to “try” to do something, don’t bother. It is a waste of energy, because this word means that the rate of your motivation is below 50%. Trying to do something means that we feel we should be doing something and when we fail, it is a buffer word that helps us feel better about our failure, “Well…at least I tried.” Let’s resolve to avoid this lameness.
If we are intent to make a resolution we are going to be successful with, it is really important to operationally define our goal. This means the goal must be specific and measurable. Setting a reevaluation date also lends to accomplishment. “I’m going to cut back on sweets this year” isn’t specific. Additionally, a 12 month goal is usually more than we have the attention span or self discipline for. Even if you cut back on the sweets for two months, letting go or altering the goal at that point will still make you feel like a failure. I have heard that it takes 30 days to set new behavioral habits. Hence, “I’m only going to treat myself to one dessert a week for a month” is a higher quality declaration. It doesn’t give wiggle room and after a month you can either end your endeavor or alter it. Either way you will still be a success. This feeling of success will most likely motivate you to set another goal.
Sometimes instead of going for the gold, going for the bronze will work out better. If you aren’t someone who likes to exercise and don’t currently have a routine in place, getting an expensive gym membership probably isn’t the best first step. I know that we feel that purchasing a gym membership or buying an expensive piece of workout equipment for home will somehow “motivate” (aka pressure) us into working out. Talking to any gym manager about the percentage of their members who actually come regularly will shoot this rationale right out of the sky. How many treadmills or exercise bikes do we see that end up being clothes racks? “I’m going to get into shape this year” isn’t an operational declaration. Before going for that expensive gold, you might consider, “I’m going to go for a 20 minute walk/jog 3 days a week for a month.” Signing up to take a yoga class can also be a way of trying something new without an extended financial commitment. If after resetting your 30 day goal three times, you are into a new routine, motivated and feeling good about it, then you might consider making a deeper financial commitment.
The other thing that bothers me about New Year’s resolutions is that the media doesn’t use much imagination in helping us outside of weight and fitness. I think there are so many other resolutions that can be made that are much more meaningful. How about some of these as suggestions that don’t feel chore oriented…
- Take 30 minutes of time to yourself each day.
- Write a hand written note of appreciation to someone once a month.
- Give a specific and empowering compliment to someone each day.
- State appreciation to your spouse, child or partner every day.
- When you send a birthday or Christmas card this year write more than just a signature.
- Turn off the TV during dinner and eat with family.
- Make a date night with your spouse once a month.
- Spend 30 minutes a day with your loved one to talk and catch up.
- Keep a gratitude journal, writing 3 things daily that you were thankful for.
- Share an opinion once each staff meeting.
- Say “no” to requests you truly don’t want to do.
- Tell your children that you love them at least once a month/week.
- Plan a family activity (not movie or TV) once a week/month (depending on age/willingness of child).
- Learn to meditate.
- Start to keep a journal.
- Spend time each day outside.
- Learn a skill or hobby that you have been dying to do. Or restart one that you have neglected.
- Allot pockets of the day as cell-phone and/or computer free.
- Volunteer
Even with these more inviting resolutions it is important to specifically define a goal. For most of us reallocating time for ourselves and our loved ones is not easy. We have to overcome feelings that there are more important things to do. For someone who doesn’t usually say the words “I love you” saying this to someone once a month can be a legitimate challenge. Resolve to take that class in web design; light a candle and meditate for 2 minutes each day for 30 days; declare you lunch hour as a technology free zone. Writing reminders and setting dates into your calendar will help keep you on track for many of these resolutions.
I have let go of the idea of cleaning up my isolated piles of guilty pleasure related clutter and have taken on a resolution that has been aided by fate. When my husband and I got home from Christmas travel our television wouldn’t turn on. Having to go through the manufacturer for warranty covered repair has meant no TV for the last couple of weeks. Instead we have been watching one DVD a night on my laptop. Working at home, I have been aware that I have watched too much filler TV over the last year and haven’t felt good about it. We have resolved that even after the TV is fixed we will eat our dinner at the table and not turn it on until after we have finished eating. Since I love my Oprah I have personally resolved to allow only one hour of TV during the day. Even though I am 90% motivated for these goals I will still set a re-evaluation date after 30 days. Then I get the opportunity to pat myself on the back and congratulate myself. That is what a resolution should really be about; improving the quality of our lives while making us feel good about ourselves…creating a genuinely happier new year.